He smelled like licorice and old books, she thought to herself; as tears rolled from her eyes, the color of muddy puddles.
You say you’re still in love
If it’s true what can be done
It’s hard to leave all those moments behind
Stress, Acceptance, and 2014
Someday’s, its all way too overwhelming.
I wish my life was like some sort of nostalgic music video, where every scene depicting agony or struggle was followed by a quick resolve, a purpose, a reason for suffering.
But i grow older, i approach death, or just old age… not quite sure anymore, ya know? Should we live like were dying or should we plan for the future? I cant really tell anymore. Everyone acts like the only truth we have is the present, but idunno, i just kinda dont believe that?
I think that everything good that comes out of life comes from the struggle. But then again, cigarettes are gunna give me cancer before im 30, GMO’s in food are gunna cause a whole new health epidemic that human race has yet to cope with seeing as cancer and car accidents are taking all our lives before we even have a chance to get there. The environments gone to hell, and soon enough were gonna be dealing with the coming of the second ice age if we dont suddenly reimplement human civilization as we know it. Divorce rates are through the roof and no one seems to care anymore. Everyone is embracing millennial open sexuality and all i want is for this one girl to remember that i exist. Maybe im the out-of-date crazy one, but it just all feels so hallow to me…
Open sexuality is cool and all, and by all means, i think everyone should feel free to experiment to their hearts content, (better now than once youre in a relationship or married…) but its almost as if people think that it is the greater good,the greatest good! Greater than love, greater than starting a cozy, comfortable family, greater than overcoming the challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship with one person for the rest of your life, in exchange for the never-ending companionship of your best friend, your soul-mate. Scary? idunno, i think the idea of living from one sexual partner to the next and acting as if youre exactly where you want to be is scary. What is so hard about waiting until you meet your best friend and deciding to face the horrendously daunting task that is life, with them by your side? Like yeah, were all gunna die, and no one wants to be alone. But to fear commitment because death is inevitable…? I guess its all relative, and personal, but i think marriage is pretty fucking cool and sacred. I dont think love is dying… i think people are getting stupid and settling. Media alters the mind, instead of getting to know people we get to know the images people try to portray themselves as.
Today, is one of those days when i feel the weight of school pressing down on my head. I feel as though i am incapable of getting the grades i need to move on to the next stage in my life. It’s horribly scary sometimes, scarier is tha fact that no one asks how school is going anymore. haha i mean, thats kinda childish, but its true. Yaknow? Like i know no one is going to be able to help me but myself, but it was nice to know that there used to be some people who supported me, who believed in me, who checked in on me regularly just to make sure i wasnt drowning.
I think the hardest part of college, is that i could drown and no one would know until they found me lying face down in a puddle of my own sweat and tears in my dorm room. And then, before anyone would have time to notice i was gone, theyd sweep my body up, give my roommate all A’s for the semester and set some new undergrads up in my room like i never even existed at all.
Im picking at my skin and pulling at my hair, i wish i could just sit down and play my guitar and stare at the sun until my eyes burned up and went blind. I wish that we still talked sometimes. But i know that the internet is not the forte of your blissful voice. I hope one day we can sit over some tea and exchange experiences. Id like that a lot. Something about your conversation, your company, your presence in my life, has always put me at ease. You are my favorite drug, you are the life that fills my lungs when i try and sing. You are the roses i wish i had time to stop and smell everyday. Hopefully ill be alive to see that tea date.
WELL, i guess nothing is going to get better unless i make it so! So i suppose this where i decide to stop feeling sorry for myself, and just do my homework, so that i can graduate from this hellish institution and fight the man from the inside! >:) I think if i just listen to enough Led Zeppelin everything might be okay. But even if its not…
Why did any of you expect so much from me anyways?? LOL
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye